This article is a dedication to a small WhatsApp group of four people called _Big Bang Theory_ Little idiots must rely on their uncle for love advice. But I can’t tire because I am awesome like that.
One day, you gain a ton of Courage out of the blue, or inebriation, or just some animal instincts and you decide against all logical judgement running through your brain, that you want to profess your undying love, a love so deep and complex it has you sleep deprived for the last so many weeks. Folks out here are weird I tell you …
I am not sure why we love, or why love is the most powerful thing in the world. A certain Chef, called Ana Ros, Siberia’s only Gastronomy Chef, and one of the world greatest chefs without a Michelin star because her country is just a nascent little piece of geography recently rising, said some lovely words in that almighty fantastic program, CHEFS TABLE ON NETFLIX;
Love is crucial. If we don’t have love, it’s difficult to work well. And in the kitchen, that is extremely important. When one is loved, she can create better. There is more passion. More beautiful thoughts. Because of love we do nice things, and because of love, sometimes we create catastrophes. – Chef’s and I cannot say this enough, are poets. Ill share this line of thought better some other day time.
The day you confess your love, or if you already have confessed, weird thoughts might have run through your mind moments before, especially if you were hoping that your sins may be forgiven with kisses and tears and “yes, I have been waiting for you to tell me this” kind of vibe.
If, for some reason, you professed your love to some untested waters, and by untested, I mean, your telepathy cannot with certainty predict a lovely outcome, here are the scenarios you shall face or have already faced.
First scenario is that she will become excited for various reasons apart from what you expect, or it could be what you expect if you are lucky. So, after a few days, or a few minutes, it depends with how dramatic you guys are, she shall serve you either of these responses.
First response, Wow, look, that’s lovely, but I just cannot bring myself to reciprocate your love, I have never in my fickle life imagined loving you anywhere and I doubt I would love you even if we were in heaven or hell. – Here you shall wonder why you spend so much time together then? But, the good news is that you shall soon realize you loved the wrong person and you resume your friendzone, platonic little world of lust. Which is okay, it happens at times.
Second response, Wow, look, that’s lovely, I think that is extremely flattering especially because I have never imagined you falling in love with me, wa wa wa, okay, this is overwhelming. But you know what, lets keep doing all manner of shit. I am not promising anything, but we can hang out, warm up to each other, become best friends and see how that goes, lets see what comes of it. We are not dating but let’s do these things and see what works or doesn’t.
Third response, Wow, Look, that’s Lovely, I mean goodness, really? Are you even serious or just pulling a leg? Okay I am shocked, not in a bad way, but I am. What happens now, because I mean, I really like you as a person and a close friend you know. I do not want to lose you, please don’t do this to me. How about we do all manner of stuff, hang out as usual, but please accept we can’t date, because I can’t date you, can’t say is it fairer than that, I don’t think I can, Please?
Fourth response, Really? Holy Shit! Really dear? Wow, I mean, wow, I have waited for you to tell me this for so long. I mean what? Come here you ……. (Whatever happens after this may lead to Marriage at some point if you are unlucky, if you are lucky you may avoid marriage).
The Second scenario doesn’t have many responses, it only has one resolute, cold, inconsiderate, loud, heart wrecking response.
The fuck? You are in love with who? Please, stop this madness. How? Are you even listening to yourself right now? Look here, you are lost as shit, I am not your type, and by the way, I think you are sick or you are watching crazy shit, please take a minute and look at yourself, I am not here to be loved by people like you, and please let me never get hold of you telling people who we are acquainted to or not that you are in love with me, because I cannot handle such embarrassment. Please never call, I can’t deal. (At least she did you the courtesy of generously using the word please in her loud outburst)
Ana Ros……, and because of love, sometimes we create catastrophes
I have prepared you sufficiently, in case you decide to try untested waters. By the way, if you get either a second, third or fourth response. Employ your A game fast, your life will suddenly have changed somehow.